


Sombre

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, thank you to tidoo for correcting my french!!, the updated version is here frondos, this fic aka the longest damn fic ive ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2018-01-03 11:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1069998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your fear of the dark is a constant - you've never known about it until recently, but now that you know it makes it a little easier to sleep. The light is relaxing.</p><p>You know what else is a constant? Levi's tendency to talk to you in French. Only thing is, you don't speak a word of French.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sombre

**Author's Note:**

> sort-of based off two personal headcanons of mine
> 
> 1) levi's native language is french and he still speaks the language fluently despite no one else knowing what he's talking about  
> 2) petra is scared of the dark and this sometimes affects her state of mind

Auruo's the first one to eat from the pile of fresh bread deposited by Erd on your table at dinner, and you don't try and stop him - you're not hungry enough to want to hoard some for yourself. Everyone else has bread, too, you notice, your eyes looking around the entire dining hall. You wonder if there'll ever be food other than bread.

 

You take in all the faces of the people you haven't spoken to and, although your heart seems to be telling you to, you can never muster the energy to go and talk to any of them. It's weird to think that you'll see them now, and want to speak, but then tomorrow night they could just as easily be dead. That's how it works, and it scares you to think that. That's why you haven't tried to make friends - you don't want to get attached to people you can lose in the blink of an eye.

 

Your eyes flicker over to the corporal entirely of their own accord, and you're surprised you didn't notice him before. Resting your elbow on the table and leaning your chin into your palm, you continue to stare, as he's talking and can't see you.

 

"Petra, did you want some bread?" Auruo asks, with a mouth full of the aforementioned food. You hope he bites his tongue whilst chewing and bleeds all over the bread.

 

"No thanks, I'm not really hungry."

 

"Oh. Well, good, I suppose, because I ate it all before I offered you any. Whoops." You don't turn to look at him, not even to give him a cold stare, and instead keep staring at Levi. He's chatting to Hanji, you think.

 

You let out a deep sigh and let yourself close your eyes for a moment out of drowsiness. When you reopen them, Levi is suddenly walking in your direction. You flinch, and pick yourself up, moving your gaze from him immediately. He didn't seem to be looking at you, though.

 

You see him walk behind you out of the corner of your eye, and as he does, his fingertips brush against your side and lower back. Your eyes widen, but you don't move, making an effort to keep any sounds and reactions concealed until he's gone. That was on purpose. You know it was. He was too far away from you for it to be unintentional. He purposely sort-of stroked your back, and although it sounds weird, there's something about it that makes you smile.

 

\---

 

Night time comes by soon enough, and after everyone has eaten, they retreat to their dorms. You follow the girls back to the communal room, and without speaking to anyone, you settle into bed. The girls, of course, continue to talk above you. The new members of the Scouting Legion from the 104th Trainees are probably the loudest you've ever had to put up with, and the chatter gets louder and louder until the boys next door bang on the wall and yell at them to shut up. At least this makes the girls quieten down and eventually blow out the candles and sleep.

 

You can't sleep though. You haven't had much sleep for days, and it's seriously starting to affect you. It's probably the reason why you zone out a lot during training, thus leading to the multitude of bruises on your arms and legs, despite how long you've been training and fighting titans. No matter how tight you close your eyes and how much you will yourself to sleep, you can't.

 

You quietly get out of your bed and stand up. You sleep in underwear and a very long t-shirt that comes down to just above your knees and old white socks, and the socks mean that you're able to sneak out of the door without alerting anybody.

 

The corridor is dimly lit up by some lanterns, hung up to make sure that anyone still walking around can see where they're going. You decide to just keep making left turns around the corridors until you get back to the girl's dorm. You don't even know where you're going, but you just need some air and a walk around to tire yourself out. 

 

After three turns, you're in a darkened corridor, and you consider turning back to go down another way. You're not even sure if this is part of the headquarters. What if you've stumbled across a part that you're not supposed to be in?

 

You take a step forward and a deep breath along with it, and then another step, and another, and another, and you find yourself walking very slowly into what seems to be just more darkness. You spin around, and the way you came from has been consumed by the black too, and you try and peer around to find some source of light.

 

You don't, and you panic.

 

Your breaths become heavier, and you feel for the wall to slump down against. You find it and try to control your breathing, and that's when you hear footsteps. Tears spill down your cheeks, and you hug your knees to your chest and curl up in a heap against the wall.

 

The footsteps stop, and you discover that they were coming from the other end of the corridor.

 

"Stay where you are." The familiar voice rings out.

 

You hold your breath as you hear the person fumble around for a source of light integrated with a lot of swearing. Suddenly, a match is struck, and then a lantern - and you genuinely never thought you'd be happier being in the same dark path as a criminal. A former one, anyway.

 

His footsteps are slow and deliberate, so as not to disturb the intruder or anyone else. He doesn't yet know it's only you, and you realise this as he gets closer. You're tempted to call out, but you're still crying, and for some reason the tears are flowing faster than before. It's probably a natural instinct, telling you that you still need to be scared, what if it's not actually Levi, what if it's a murderer, even if it is Levi, you're going to get into trouble, what if-

 

The footsteps stop, and you squeeze your eyes shut. After about ten seconds you open them again, and the lantern is being held over your head. It is Levi, after all, but he still remains emotionless. Humanity's strongest has nothing to fear when it comes to situations like this, you figure.

 

"Get up," he says simply. You don't move, and then an arm is extended to you as a means of assistance. You grab his hand, and he gently pulls you up.

 

"Cadet Ral, may I ask what the hell you're doing out at this time of night?" he asks, an authoritative tone being heavily noticeable at this point.

 

"I...c-couldn't sleep, and I went for a walk and got lost and ended up here, and now I-"

 

"I've heard enough," he says, cutting you off. You're still holding his hand, and you don't say anything about it. He moves the lantern along the wall, looking for something, and although you can't see what it is that he's holding the lantern to because of the tears in your eyes, you assume he's after something important. According to Hanji, he stays up late and then is notorious for not getting up until midday if no duties are to be carried out.

 

You feel a tug at your hand, and you hear the sound of a door opening. You follow Levi, and then he lets go of your hand to close the door after you. The ceiling doesn't appear to be too high, and despite his height he's able to reach up and hang the lantern from a little hook. The room is lit up, revealing it to be a small office, obviously disused. Bookshelves line the walls, with a small padded bench in one corner and a desk and chair stationed at the back of the room. Levi looks at you, and gestures to the bench. You take the hint and sit down.

 

"I found out the reason why I haven't been sleeping well," you say as you walk over. You pat the seat free of dust and make yourself comfortable.

 

"Enlighten me." You look over, and he's peering at the shelf, looking for something.

 

"It's the dark. I would be able to sleep just fine if the girls didn't talk as loud, because I get really tired even when the candles are lit. But when all light goes out, I suddenly can't sleep." You pause. "And when I decided I needed a walk, I thought I had no idea where I was going, even though I've been here for over five years. When I approached the dark corridor, I got really scared."

 

"I see," comes his reply. He pulls out a folder, and takes a few pages from it, setting them on the top of the file. He then takes it over to the desk and sets it down. He walks over to you and sits down on the bench with his arm across the back of the seat and one leg crossed over his other knee. "Were you scared of the dark when you were younger?"

 

His voice sounds almost inquisitive. "Um, no, not from what I can remember," you say.

 

He doesn't make a sound, and when you move your gaze from your lap to him, you can see him rubbing his eyes, of which seem to be even narrower than usual.

 

"Captain, have you been sleeping well?" you ask. No reply. "Captain?"

 

"Petra, would you be so kind as to refer to me by my name while we're alone? It makes me feel more at ease and less like I'm still leading an entire squad when I'm supposed to be relaxing," he says, the tone of his voice being somewhat softer than usual.

 

"Of course, Levi." His name rolls off your tongue like water off glass, and there's something really satisfying about talking to him normally. "Have you been getting enough sleep?"

 

"Probably not."

 

"Have you been keeping yourself up late?"

 

"Mon chérie, if I'm in a state like this for six nights of the week, do you really think I do it by choice?" You try and work out what he said at the start of the sentence. You recall him using it to refer to you once or twice before, but you never actually found out what it meant. "Filing paperwork for the Military Police is a chore. They don't even use it, the pigs. They just want records for their files so they can make it look like they actually do some damn work every once in a while."

 

"Can't you ask Squad Leader Hanji to help you?"

 

"She has enough of her own shit to deal with with that squad of hers. I doubt she'd be too willing to spend her nights sorting out recruitment records."

 

You smile to yourself. "If you need any help, please feel free to ask your squad, or me, at the very least. I know I'm okay with helping you get work done. Everyone needs to get sleep, because getting ready for anything the titans throw at us requires energy, and that's something that you sadly seem to be lacking. According to Hanji you sleep until midday most of the time."

 

He makes a small noise, which sounds like a mix between a grunt and a laugh. "As kind as your offer is, I can't have my squad helping with my own affairs. It's something I need to do, and besides, asking you lot to help would be irresponsible of me. "

 

You tilt your head to one side. "Still, if you need help, I'm always okay with assisting you. Just come and find me, okay? But don't disturb the other girls. The ones from the 104th are pretty rowdy."

 

Letting out a sigh, he looks at you. "Fine."

 

You two sit in silence for a while, but it's not awkward in the slightest. In fact, it's kind of peaceful, and you imagine it must be nice for Levi to have company that he's not required to constantly watch over or tell what to do.

 

You watch him from the corner of your eyes, and he seems to be close to falling asleep. His breathing is slow and deep, rather than the quick breaths you're used to hearing during training. You watch every little movement - the gentle drumming of fingers on his knee out of boredom or tiredness, the small twitch of his nose when he takes a deep breath - and you come to the conclusion that you are, in fact, quite prepared to devote your life to him.

 

After quite some time has passed, he stands up, and you follow suit. "We should both go back now, before someone realises that you've been out. I'll walk you back to your dorm. That way, if anyone's up, I can say you were helping plan the expedition."

 

"Expedition?"

 

"Yes. The Commander's planning another expedition, this time to find out about what's in Jaeger's basement that makes him a titan shifter."

 

"Ah." You look down at your feet and then back up at the corporal. "It seems...pretty risky, to say the least."

 

"Despite my being second in command, Erwin has told me surprisingly little details about it. I expect he'll mention it soon enough if it's that important."

 

"Hopefully."

 

The silence returns, if only for a second. He slips his hand into yours, and laces your fingers together. With a gentle pull, he leads you out of the door, leaving the lantern to light up the room for as long as the candle wax burns.

 

\---

 

You wake up earlier than usual the next day, and are relieved to remember that it's a day off. Soldiers are free to roam around and do whatever they want on the days off, but the squad leaders and their superiors are normally tucked away getting as much of their paperwork as possible out of the way so that they can spend more time training.

 

Your head feels clearer as you stand up, and you definitely feel like you have more energy. The other girls seem to have already left, and you suppose you don't mind, considering that you don't know any of them aside from Nanaba.

 

You stand in front of the mirror in your oversized shirt and scruffy socks, and attempt to flatten your hair down into place. Rubbing your eyes, you step back over to the bed and pull out your casual wear from the communal storage section underneath. You push someone's carelessly deposited underwear back into the drawer hastily and smoothen out your clothes before setting them onto the bed.

 

Your casual attire for the day consists of a smooth white sundress which comes down to your knees, accompanied by white flats. You don't care too much about how it looks in terms of fashion, but at least it looks decent and that's all that matter to you.

 

The dress is made from pure cotton, and it's one of the only reminders you have of home. You have the letters your dad has sent back to you, of course, but you don't have any stuffed animals or photographs or anything like what some of the other girls have. No, tell a lie, you have a china teacup that your dad insisted you take - apparently it was passed down through generations and he wanted you to keep it. It's now residing in the communal mug cupboard in the kitchen in fear that it'll get broken or damaged if it's left in the drawers.

 

After pulling on your clothes, you decide that the first thing you want to do is eat, so you take a left when you step out of the dorm. Hanji is heading down the corridor too, in full uniform, and you smile at her when you pass. She smiles back, but her grin is significantly bigger than normal. She also raises her eyebrows when she looks at you, which unnerves you. You stop and watch her walk down the hallway, and your first thought is, "why on Earth is she heading towards the Corporal's room?", but then you catch yourself and remember that her office is right next to his bedroom and that that's probably where she's headed.

 

Your immediate suspicions are confirmed, though, because she gently pushes open the door to his room. She takes a neatly folded up piece of paper out of her breast pocket, unfolds it, and screws it up into a ball. She then peers closer, takes aim, and launches the paper ball as hard as she can, and then very quickly closes the door.

 

You take a step back, and Hanji notices you. She flashes her wide grin at you again, and ducks into her office.

 

You continue to the dining hall.

 

\---

 

You're surprised that you haven't seen Levi around. You took a long walk around the entirety of the training grounds after you finished breakfast and you still didn't see him anywhere. He could just be holed up in his office, finishing off the paperwork that you promised to help him with.

 

You make a quick decision and spin on your heel, heading back in the direction of the main building. Your flats scuff against the dusty ground of the courtyard, coating the front with a thin layer of dark brown that should hopefully be easy to wipe off. They make a gentle tapping against the wooden flooring as you enter the building that's somewhat soothing to listen to. You can't seem to find anyone else, save for the odd 104th graduate scattered around, which is strange.

 

You finally find yourself in front of the corporal's bedroom, your clenched fist hovering in front of the wooden paneling. You knock. No one answers.

 

You follow the hallways round, and instead head towards his office, already planning an apology in your head for not offering to help with his work. You stand in front of the door and knock before you can stop yourself.

 

"Come in."

 

Pushing open the door, you step into the room. Brilliant natural light shines through the windows, and Levi is sitting sort-of at his desk. He has his head tilted back and his hands clasped together and rested on his stomach. His legs are crossed and his feet are propped up onto the desk. He jerks his foot slightly to the side to see you standing there.

 

"Ah, Petra." You salute him, and he lifts his hand up to give you a dismissive wave. "At ease."

 

Moving his feet off the desk, he asks, "So what brings you here?"

 

"I came by to see if you needed any help with your paperwork, actually. I hope you don't mind, sir."

 

He simply grunts in response. You're not sure whether to move or sit down or leave or say something else or do anything. A grunt isn't the best way of communicating, and unfortunately for anyone conversing with him, grunting is the language Levi specialises in.

 

"Tell me, Petra," he says finally, "were you the one to launch a screwed-up note at my head this morning?"

 

You swallow. He notices. "No."

 

"And you have no clue who did it?"

 

You shake your head.

 

"None at all? Don't lie to me, Ral, you're better than that."

 

You clench your teeth together and let out a sigh. "Hanji," you admit.

 

He gives you a stare that could wither plants, before blinking and nodding. "I'll be having words with her later," he says. You smile, and he stands up.

 

"By the way, Ral, white looks good on you." He takes in every feature of the dress - the small swirls around the waist, the flowers scattered around the pattern, the lace embellishment around the sleeves and neckline - and you watch his face cautiously. " _Absolument magnifique, en fait._ "

 

You hope whatever he said was a compliment.

 

\---

 

You stay there for a while longer and help sort organise the papers once he'd finished writing them up. At one point he had a sudden realisation that he needed coffee and he needed coffee _now_ , and after protesting that it's probably due to sleep deprivation and that he doesn't even like coffee all that much he gets up anyway and heads out to get some, leaving you to finish off whatever he started. When he returned he held two cups in his head: his usual mug and a delicate white and blue teacup.

 

"You brought one for me?" you had asked, a smile lighting up your face.

 

" _Préparer avec amour, ma chère_ ," he had replied.

 

\---

 

When the girls settle down for the night, you politely request that they keep one of the lanterns burning. A darker-skinned girl complains that she can't sleep with any light. You grit your teeth and tell her that you've been having sleeping problems for over a month and that you've only just realised it was because of the darkness. She shrugs and says that she can't do anything about that.

 

Levi moves to his armchair and lets you sleep in his bed.

 

\---

 

The next day Erwin officially announces the plans to try and find Eren's basement, and that the expedition would be started tomorrow. You're not sure why but you get a sinking feeling as soon as it was publicised. 

 

As you follow the rest of the Special Operations squad to the training grounds for last-minute preparations (not that you needed it, but it's always better to be safe than sorry), you can't help but wonder how long the expedition will take. Asking someone higher up will just earn you a sarky response or a "however long it takes", so you're left to think about it on your own. Some of the expeditions last for hours, and some last for days. You haven't been on any of the longer recorded ones, i.e. the ones that lasted for over a week, and that's because they took place before you were even born. You wonder if you'll ever have to face such a tedious journey in your time in the Recon Corps.

 

"Why the long face?" Auruo asks you. You look up at him. "You look like you've just heard that Levi is engaged to someone else."

 

You elbow him in the side as hard as you can, and at the front of the group, Levi turns his head slightly.

 

"What?" Auruo says, rubbing his side.

 

"Be quiet," you hiss.

 

"It's true. That's exactly what you look like right now. I'm one for harsh truths, you see." He smiles smugly, and you make sure you remember to kick him in the balls during training.

 

When you reach the training ground woods, you're told to take the first two hours for yourselves and practice with the titan figures set up around. Normally they're used for trainees, and the top tier of soldiers should be getting something more advanced, but Levi simply says that there wasn't a way to legally get titans into the grounds without Hanji experimenting on them first.

 

"Plus, having your head bitten off during training exercises is the worst way to go. We wouldn't even be able to guarantee your survival," he finishes. With a wave of his hand gesturing that you should start, the others immediately fire the cables on their 3DMG and launch themselves into the trees. You look at him, not catching the wave properly the first time around, and he does it again, but slower.

 

You set off, but due to the sun setting it's very dark, and you can't see what's a tree and what isn't. You barely move in time to stop yourself from going head first into a trunk, so you swing yourself up to a thick branch and stop for a moment. Erd raises himself to the top of the trunk of the tree next to you and waves you down.

 

"Petra, you alright?" he asks, his voice taking on a worried tone.

 

"Yes, I'm fine. It's just so dark here that I need to just get used to it. I wouldn't want to paralyse myself by crashing into a tree just before the expedition," you say. He looks at you, and then nods and turns in the opposite direction.

 

It's not your eyes. It's just the dark. You've already established that you hate being in a pitch-black place. You scold yourself for stopping, though, because you wouldn't have time to take a minute to adjust to the circumstances - it's do or die when you're out fighting titans, and if Levi knew you had stopped he'd probably be angry with you too.

 

\---

 

You're still angry even when you're trying to get to sleep, despite the fact that your irritation with yourself meant that you got the day's highest titan figure "kill" count out of all of the Special Operations Squad.

 

You're still angry even though you got pats on the back from everyone when they were told about your outstanding achievement in training.

 

You're still angry even when you remind yourself that even Levi nodded and said that you're " _sacrément bonne et sacrément belle_ ". You're not sure what he said, but you bet it was something nice, and you drift off into a delicious sleep.

 

\---

 

You force yourself to leave your wonderful dream state and you get up feeling groggy. You tiptoe around the room, picking up boots and belts whilst simultaneously yanking your own on. You're required to help with the early morning expedition packing, so you leave the main building and make your way to the yard outside the dining hall, where you see Hanji carrying a crate and pushing one across the ground at the same time.

 

"Need some help?" you offer, picking the crate up from the ground. She smiles at you.

 

"Thanks, Petra. We've just gotta get these out of the gate and Mike will handle the transport to the horses. Once we've got these over there we're free to go to the main area," she says as you two walk towards the rare sight of the open gate. "By the way, don't tell Levi I was kicking the box across the floor. I just wanted to get my job done and out of the way, and he'd probably go mad at me again."

 

"Again?"

 

"You saw me throw the paper at him the other day, didn't you? And somehow he found out it was me who did it. C'mon, girls are supposed to stick together."

 

You smirk. "Sorry. I wasn't about to lie to my superior."

 

"It's fine. It wasn't a 'serious offence', so he didn't do anything except for the usual insults he throws around. Of which I reply to with sarcasm. Don't worry about it."

 

You make it over to the gate, and the squad leader tells you to leave the crates there. Mike appears and lifts them both up with ease, and starts chatting to Hanji. He subtly dismisses you with a glance and a nod as he talks, and you walk past him and out the training ground gates.

 

You follow a few of the 104th recruits towards the horses. You vaguely remember your place in the formation, but before you get your gear ready and mount your horse you notice Levi attempting to get the saddle on his. He looks like he's one push away from kicking the horse and throwing the riding gear across the courtyard.

 

You hold the saddle down on the one side whilst he tugs on the other side - he hasn't noticed that you're there yet. There's a pause, and then you see him appear, using the stirrups to stand taller.

 

"Oh, it's you," he says. You throw him a confused look. "I was wondering why there was an extra something pulling down the saddle."

 

"Ah, sorry, it just looked like you needed some help," you say. He lifts himself up onto the saddle, and you notice more and more soldiers filing in.

 

"I can never get the damn thing on right. It needs to be comfortable if I'm going to sit in it for hours on end." You let a small laugh escape, and he shoots you a look that makes you try and disguise it as a cough. He raises his eyebrows.

 

"It looks like we're nearly ready to go. Everyone else is mounting their horses," you say, looking around. "Well, good luck."

 

"You don't really need to wish me luck." He opens his jacket and pulls out a noise gun, and quickly checks to make sure it's loaded. "But I appreciate it nevertheless."

 

"No problem." You give him a quick salute and he nods.

 

You turn and walk back to your horse, mounting it as soon as you reach it. Everyone else is ready, and Erwin is just telling the guards to open the gates.

 

Levi looks over his shoulder at you, and you tilt your head in confusion when he doesn't say anything immediately. "Is there something wrong, Captain?"

 

" _Sois prudente, Petra, s'il te plaît_ ," he says. " _Je t'aime_."

 

You have no idea what he said, as unfortunately you don't speak a word of French, but you can only assume it's good, as have been the last times he uttered a phrase to you in his native language. You smile and nod.

 

You're fully prepared for the expedition, and you know it, but you have a headache all of a sudden and the blood seems to rush to your head. You quickly look around at all of the other Special Operations Squad members, but their faces are stoic and determined, unlike yours, which must look like a very obvious combination of illness and fear. Your only fear seems to be the darkness, so you don't know why you're scared. You've killed plenty of titans before and you should be confident by now that nothing bad is going to happen.

 

" _We will now begin the 57th expedition beyond the walls!_ "

 

You just have a wrenching feeling that something is going to go horribly, _horribly_ wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> kyokyos.tumblr.com / taetiramisu.co.vu
> 
> this took me three days to write


End file.
